Are you worried about
If you’re concerned about a loved one’s gambling, it’s only natural to want to help. But sometimes it can be hard to know what the right thing to do is. You may have tried raising the subject in the past, or maybe you’re worried that the person you care about could become angry or defensive. But you don’t have to face this alone. There are people who can help you free of charge, and offer techniques and resources on how to deal with a loved one’s gambling and to protect yourself, so you can navigate this confidently.
What to Look for If You Think Someone May Have a Problem
Hiding bills, past-due notices, winnings, or losses
Increased debt, unpaid bills, or other financial troubles
Increased tension, stress, and arguments relating to money
Gambling instead of spending time with friends or family
Neglecting work and personal needs because of gambling
Getting irritated more easily or having less patience when dealing with normal everyday activities
Having few interests outside of gambling
Hiding bills, past-due notices, winnings, or losses
Increased debt, unpaid bills, or other financial troubles
Increased tension, stress, and arguments relating to money
Gambling instead of spending time with friends or family
Neglecting work and personal needs because of gambling
Getting irritated more easily or having less patience when dealing with normal everyday activities
Having few interests outside of gambling
If these signs sound familiar in a loved one, it’s time to talk about it.
Tips for Starting a Conversation
The Talk
- When you’re ready to talk, try to stay neutral and stick to the facts. Leaving emotion out of the conversation will help keep you focused. If you think this will be difficult for you, ask a counsellor for strategies to approach the topic in a logical way, without getting emotional.
- Be prepared that the person may not be ready to have a conversation about their gambling, and may be closed off or defensive. Ask a counsellor for strategies to keep the conversation open and honest.
After the Talk
- Recognize positive steps, and give praise for success.
- Remember that change takes time. It may take several tries before the person successfully changes gambling behaviour.
- Get help for yourself. A counsellor or a self-help group can help you to communicate effectively, reduce your guilt, and raise your self-esteem. There are resources to help you manage the situation and protect yourself. You have more power than you realize.
- If necessary, make arrangements to protect your own finances. By reducing their access to funds, you’re helping to strengthen your loved one’s commitment to change. Protecting yourself and your family financially can help give you peace of mind.
”As she recovers, so do I. It allows me to be supportive in an informed way; it encourages me to be respectful, proud, and loving in the best possible way.
–Doug, Affected Loved One
When my partner finally made the difficult decision to get professional help for her problem gambling, I was overwhelmingly relieved. Had she not, our relationship of 40 years would’ve been in jeopardy.
I had been worried for some time about her frustration, disappointment, and anger at not being able to overcome what she believed should have been a simple process: to stop what was quickly becoming a destructive pattern of behaviour. Like her, I felt helpless.
Knowing that she is receiving effective help from a dedicated team with numerous resources, best practices, and expertly planned programs has had a profoundly healthy trickle-down effect on me. As she recovers, so do I. It allows me to be supportive in an informed way; it encourages me to be respectful, proud, and loving in the best possible way. I have so much gratitude for those who have made her recovery possible. Getting help was the best decision that she could have made for both of us, and I thank her for that.
–Doug, Affected Loved One
”Although it seemed frightening at first, reaching out for support enabled us to have open and honest conversations about our challenges.
–Melissa, Affected Loved One
For many months, I sensed that my partner was struggling through something in silence. Although it seemed frightening at first, reaching out for support enabled us to have open and honest conversations about our challenges. Throughout the process, I developed a deeper understanding of what my partner was going through, but most importantly, I was given the knowledge and resources to provide the best possible support. Now, I’m optimistic about our ability to cope and heal through our newfound mutual trust, dialogue, and understanding.
–Melissa, Affected Loved One
What Can You Do to Protect Yourself?
Negotiate Control for the Management of Family Finances
Try to assume responsibility for all credit or debit cards, or consider having a trusted family member or friend take over the family finances until the issue is resolved.
Protect Assets
Set up separate bank accounts. Consider changing bank accounts, mortgages, and other assets so that the person who gambles cannot access them. Change passwords and PINs to limit access to accounts, and consider hiding your valuables.
If You Decide to Financially Support the Person Who Gambles
Pay the bills or make the purchases directly. Do not give them cash. If necessary, you can get help from a credit counselling agency.
What Can You Do to Protect Yourself?
Negotiate Control for the Management of Family Finances
Try to assume responsibility for all credit or debit cards, or consider having a trusted family member or friend take over the family finances until the issue is resolved.
Protect Assets
Set up separate bank accounts. Consider changing bank accounts, mortgages, and other assets so that the person who gambles cannot access them. Change passwords and PINs to limit access to accounts, and consider hiding your valuables.
If You Decide to Financially Support the Person Who Gambles
Pay the bills or make the purchases directly. Do not give them cash. If necessary, you can get help from a credit counselling agency.
